My friends can't be with me always even when i am in the darkest of
corners. They love me, but they can have to go to some party, or they
might want to stay alone at home because my sorrow has overshadowed
there normalcy in life. They might have to go get married, go get
laid, go get drunk.. what not. But they pay their visits. Mostly, not
only because they just have to, mostly because they care a lot. I
don't know how many in the world are like us, but we, as in, me and my
friends.. our lifestyle predominantly revolves around each other. Why
then, in spite of caring so much for each other do we chose otherwise?
because we can? It's not about what my friends do or have done with
me, i have done it to them as well. My friend might be sitting alone
in her house and i have felt sad for her during such times. So much so
that I have sat an entire night crying for her. I found it a little
weird crying for someone else's break up all night but I could not
stop myself. But the next evening, knowing in the heart of my hearts
that I must be with her, i chose the second option..a boy i like. I
have done this many a times, And my friends have done it to me too.

Forget friendship, I have done this to my mother.

Why then do we say that we need to love, when all we want is to be
loved? Or am I the only one who here is selfishly asking for it?

Speaking of being selfish, i think i've done a great job at it. i
myself walked up to the guy i thought i would die without and told
him, "we" wern't wokring. I broke up. And today it gives me no pain to
live without him. He is happy elsewhere and so am I. Why was I
creating such a big fuss back then?

After a couple of experiences, if we all know nothing is lasting
forever, then why do we try imposing the same god forbidden permanence
in relationships? why do love living the lie? i will possibly live
without anyone and everyone who seems indispensable right now, then
why cant i decide for ten years hence, right now?

i know it's stupid to invest in such weird questions.. but the lack of
permamnence in things and yet the urge of every living soul for it is
eroding my mind.

Only because I need to collect pebbles i must was all the undulated journeys?

tch